Let’s Get Real

There comes a point in time where you sit with yourself and just think what the fuck (excuse my language)

What am I doing? Why am I doing this? And how can I make myself proud of me? I have been struggling internally and heck externally for that matter. I keep telling myself that finding some type of balance between nutrition, work, school, yoga, the gym, family, and a social life that it is okay to let go here and relax there. That I should be easy on myself and just learn to be where I am at and to practice a bit more self love instead of getting upset with myself over the small stuff. However just now it dawned on me,  pushing myself to achieve what I once thought possible and loving myself are not mutually exclusive, they both come for the same very loving place.

photo (6)I am allowed to push myself to make healthy choices, to say yes to the gym when I don’t want to go and to make time for my yoga practice when I would rather not move a muscle, to make time for family that doesn’t involve plopping my bottom on the couch and watching a movie.

It also means that maybe sometimes my body and soul needs my mind to be a bit of a cheerleader for myself, my health and my own body image. No one else is going to do it for me and no one else is going to be disappointed when I don’t achieve the level of success I feel I am capable of achieving.
owning your storyIt is time to start walking away from excuses, stop falling into old habits that have made me so miserable in the past and start dedicating time to me. It is by dedicating this time to me and my own well being (body, mind and spirit) that I can practice self love. It is not about punishing my body it is about loving my body with challenging activities and fuelling myself with healthy nutritious food while reminding myself that treats are called treats for a reason and that it is my responsibility to find that balance for myself (because this will be different for everyone).

Big ridiculous changes aren’t needed but it is time to realize and respect that if I am doing this for Me it is my responsibility to cause change be that positive or negative.  Allowing myself the flexibility and understanding to flounder and loving myself enough to know that I am strong enough to keep going.
loveIt is time to find that strength and kindness again especially now during these stressful, busy, mentally and physically exhausting times. I am reminded that it is in these moment of doubt and despair that it is most important to reflect and remember why the heck I started this life shift in the first place. It wasn’t to wear a bikini (however admittedly a great perk) it was to feel better, be happier and to rediscover my self worth. It is time to stop short changing myself and to start focusing on my small, minuscule and maybe almost no existent successes and rewarding myself with self love and kindness instead of physical treats and presents (although they are definitely allowed sometimes).

So today I choose to love myself and throw away some of the shit I have been feeding myself mentally and physically and I know that this doesn’t mean that I won’t have to take out some of the same garbage tomorrow, but I am okay with that.

Happy Sunday everyone. Stay motivated, stay focused and above all else learn to listen to and love yourself. 

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Earn it! Own it!

Learning to own your success is something that maybe not everyone struggles with but it is definitely something I need to stop and take a minute on at least once a day.

I am not talking about walking around the office, classroom, bus, mall or any other populated area like a peacock, rustling my feathers in everyone’s face. What I am talking about is owning my success much like how I readily own my failures. Instead of boosting about how I messed up my clean eating maybe I should pat myself on the back for the solid 70 days I did before the crazies really started to set in.  Or being excited that I got out running three days in a week when really I should have done four.

I’m sure/ I hope I am not the only one that is somehow more readily able to admit a fault/failure than my potential successes. I mean I know I work and study my butt off but if I were to vocalize that to someone I would some how feel like I was bragging or rubbing it in or whatever. Where as talking about my faults forget about it I could list those off for days, especially if it was going to make someone else feel better about their precieved short comings.

What I am realizing the more I blog, the more I share through Facebook, twitter and instagram and the more I take the time to journal for my own personal stuff is that others seem to be more interested in hearing about how I succeeded at something rather than how I may have failed miserably.  Sure I think it is good to have a balance of what I share and I think it is important to admit fault because it shows that I am human, it also hopefully demonstrates my growth in this health journey of mine.  But I am still learning/struggling with patting myself on the back and allowing myself to feel pride to the fullest of its extent.

So here are some steps I have been taking for the past, oh I don’t know forever now that might help you if you are like me and have a difficult time finding all the wonderful in yourself.

bekind.jpg1. Enough with the negative self talk already!  It isn’t getting you anywhere and it is probably making you feel worse than you did when you started off.   Take a second to analyze (I strongly recommend journaling for this) what you are saying, what sparked that thought, if it something you say to yourself often, and then answer this “how has repeatedly saying those negative things actually helped you to progress in your goals?” Chances are once you get through this process you will realize that all of those thoughts have done nothing but hold you back, calling yourself “fat” or telling yourself that you aren’t dedicated enough to your workout routine, your healthy eating regiment, studying, relationships, etc. likely hasn’t gotten you very far in being a happier healthier person.

goalgetter.jpg2. Stop, would you talk like that to a friend? I LOVE this tactic because I actually have to make myself stop and assess what is going on.  I have to make myself think “Would I ever actually sit here and list off all the failures of someone else to friend?”  or better “Would I ever list a friend’s failures?” Although I share my setbacks with all of you on my blog, I share them as learning tools and to let you know what I have learnt from the experience.  Although I think it is healthy to understand when you haven’t quite made the “cut” I also think it is important to understand everything that went into that outcome, including all of the effort that was put into working towards a goal so that you can learn from it and build, not tear yourself to bits.

3. I tell myself nice things. Oh goodness *eye roll*.  Yeah it sounds super cheesy but based on my experience if you are waiting/relying on others to tell you nice things you could be waiting a REAL long time.  So start taking a moment (once again in a journal) to write down the amazing things that you are, you do and you will become.  You become what you say and believe. If you believe you can’t run a 10k race then well you can’t, the first step in any process is to believe that you can do it.  So tell yourself some nice things and believe those nice things.

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4. You probably aren’t a failure.   This one might seem weird, but a lot of the time when we start something, let’s take weight loss as an example, and after a month of sticking to a plan if we haven’t dropped 20 pounds and developed a six pack we jump to this idea of being a failure.  Maybe we think we are failures because we are doing the same plan as someone else and well they have a six pack, so you must have failed right? NOPE! not the case, we are all made different which means we will all take different paths to our optimal health.  It also means none of us will ever look the same.  So instead of labeling yourself a failure and giving up on your goals, focus in on the things you have achieved and remember as long as you keep trying failure isn’t even in the cards for you.

5.  Allow yourself to celebrate.  Once you achieve something celebrate it, don’t sweep it under the rug, focus in on the things you could have done differently to get their faster or shrug it off in favour of lifting someone else up.  You have worked hard and you deserve to be proud of yourself and to celebrate all of your successes.  That celebration can be anything, a new pair of running shorts, heading to the movies, or sharing your success and excitement with a friend, just do it! You deserve to be excited and to share your accomplishments with others.  Chances are if you choose to share your success you are going to motivate someone else to stick to their goals and to keep moving forward too.

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I have found these little steps super helpful in allowing myself to be proud and excited about my own personal successes and I hope you find them successful for you too.  Even if you don’t have a hard time owning your success give this a try it might help you find a bit more light and positivity in your life.

Happy Friday the 13th everyone! I hope you are having a great day!

Building It up

As I had mentioned earlier this week I have entered the next phase of my exercise program, the build phase, I just finished up the second day and I am not sure if I am stoked, determined or terrified of what there is to come. I guess it is probably more of a mixture of all of these emotions rather than just one of them.

I am stoked on finding out what my limits actually are and then pushing them a little bit, I am terrified that working to my limits may be slightly discouraging and as ridiculous as I know it is I am a nervous about getting crazy bulked up. I know, I know, not possible I am a woman not a beast, so even if I workout like a beast I am still a lady and won’t bulk up like a man, but still with the weights I am cranking out I can’t help but let a little head troll tell me I am going to look like a man. So to calm my nerves I am going to conduct a little experiment here is a picture of my “guns”, I will check back in a month and see what new developments we have. I am assuming I will have some more definition but not much more bulk.

gunsCollage

Besides being concerned about literally turning into the hulk and becoming discouraged at always hitting my limit, I am excited for the new challenge, and the reasonable side of me says that it is all good, and it will be fun to find out what is on the other side of my current limits.

So far some of the highlights in this journey are:

  1. I have way less of a desire to quit, when Alannah asks me if I can get one more out I give it my best to get that one or two more.
  2. I have started holding myself to higher standards, not only for fitness but for how I am fuelling my body, and how I think of myself.
  3. My knee pain has DRASTICALLY reduced, it is actually amazing how big of an improvement there is, don’t get me wrong it still hurts just not nearly as much. I mean I knew I had weak butt muscles, but  I had no idea how much it would help with my running to develop them.
  4. My stability is off the chains! It is totally crazy; when I first started I almost needed to hold onto a wall to perform an anterior reach, without falling over, now I am so close to getting through 10 reps without having to place both feet on the ground. (Trust me it looks way easier than it actually is…well for me at least).
  5. I am more conscious of what is happening in my body.  With someone (Alannah) looking over me and always making sure I am alright, it has made me listen to my body a bit more, and look for queues to let me know how my body is doing. Sounds simple but I am more of a “just push through” kinda gal and lean towards the “ignore that sharp pain” mind set so learning this has been pretty challenging.

So we will see how all of this pans out, and in a month time I will report back to everyone with an update on how my guns are looking.

Happy Thursday!!!  If you are in the Ottawa area get outside if you have a chance, at a project 11 degree day I will definitely be hitting the pavement instead of the treadmill.